


key lemon pie

by Anonymous



Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Lemon-Stealing Whores (Short Film)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Lemon-Stealing Whores, Crack, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28606305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Leon and Yasuhiro are disrupted by the sudden appearance of a lemon-stealing whore. Whatever shall they do?
Relationships: Hagakure Yasuhiro/Kuwata Leon, Hagakure Yasuhiro/Kuwata Leon/Lemon-Stealing Whore
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12
Collections: Anonymous





	key lemon pie

"I love our lemon tree," Leon said so supplely, so fruitfully.

"I know, man!" Yasuhiro said. He beamed, the corners of his eyes crinkling up like he'd just bitten into an extremely sour lemon. "I think it's the most valuable property that we own."

"It probably is," Leon admitted. Neither of the partners were financial wizards, or mages, or even particularly clairvoyant in that realm. Their checkings account was uncomfortably empty and their rented home was full of strange crap Yasuhiro overpaid for on Yahoo Auctions. Other than their lemon tree, they didn't really have that much, not after paying back their debts to the Kuzuryuu family.

"Dude," Yasuhiro said. 'I think -- we should, uh, get lemon tree insurance."

"Okay?"

Yasuhiro nodded. "Yeah! And then we can, like, use the lemon tree as collateral for our mortgage when we finally buy a place of our own, right?"

"Right," Leon said, although he rather doubted that that was how banks or anything worked. He let Yasuhiro handle the money, though. That was probably the source of their financial problems, but it also meant that Leon could just blame said problems on Yasuhiro without taking responsibility, so it probably evened out. "It'll be nice to live somewhere… nicer."

He glanced back at their beautiful lemon tree. It was so small, so gnarled, and yet still fruitful. Its tender young branches bent under the weight of the lemons upon it. His eyes feasted on vibrant verdant foliage with a tangy citrus counterpoint: the lemons were yellow, bisque, amber… uh, even lemon yellow? Whatever. They were as much a treat for the eyes as they would soon be to the tongue. Leon could practically taste them baked into a key lemon pie. Their lemons were a gift given by nature, and they would not be squandered, not unless --

"You're talking about the lemon-stealing whores, right?" Yasuhiro said, interrupting Leon from his reverie. "Damn those lemon-stealing whores! They have no right to steal our lemons."

"I'm pretty sure lemon-stealing whores aren't real," Leon said in a perfectly reasonable manner that betrayed absolutely no frustration with his partner's willingness to believe in whatever the hottest new conspiracy theory of the moment was, because there was no such frustration to be found, you see.

Hagakure Yasuhiro angrily jabbed his pointer finger forward, leaving it hovering a centimeter or two in front of Leon's nose. "It's true, man! I saw one snooping around our tree the other day. I had to chase her off with a broom."

"What did she look like?"

"She was wearing a pink swimsuit."

"Right, well. If I see any swimsuit-wearing citrus whores sniffing around our lemons, I'll drive them off for you."

Yasuhiro's face twisted into something as nasty and naughty and bittersweet as lemon peel. "Awww, you like me."

"Shut up."

Yasuhiro laughed, then turned serious. He reached out a hand and laid it on Leon's shoulder. "If you were a lemon," Yasuhiro said, with the full confidence of a man who thought he was saying something romantic, "I would put you on a shelf. With all the other lemons."

"...thanks," Leon said. "Hey, it's probably time for us to go water the tree, so--"

He turned and gasped. Underneath their lemon tree stood a woman clad in nothing but an eye-searing magenta swimsuit. Said swimsuit was stretched out with oddly lemon-sized bulges. Were that not enough, her hands were full of lemons -- their lemons -- and she was dropping them into her suit.

"A lemon-stealing whore!" Yasuhiro screeched, and dove for the broom.

"What the FUCK?!" Leon screamed.

"I told you they were real, man," Yasuhiro said, brandishing the broom with a mad look in his eyes, "I warned you! I warned you about the lemon-stealing whores!"

The lemon-stealing whore looked at Leon with her cold, lemon-stealing eyes. Leon looked at Yasuhiro, who looked at Leon, then down at the broom he was holding. Then they both looked at the lemon-stealing whore, whose swimsuit was full of their lemons. One of the lemons fell out of the leghole of the swimsuit, bounced once, and rolled to a wobbly stop. The tension was immense.

Then they fucked. The end.


End file.
